Film Review: Star Wars – The Last Jedi

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Star Wars Mixtape

The Last Jedi

Warning: This is an actual review of the movie, not a consumer preview, so contains spoilers. Do not read a word of it until you’ve inevitably suckled from the Disney/Lucasfilm teat. Also, Madam, there’s milk on your beard. The online critic and philosopher, Rich Evans, of Red Letter Media fame, once posited the terrifying idea […]

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Film Review: The Disaster Artist

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The Tommy Knockers

TDA

Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is one of film’s great basket cases. Ostensibly a melodrama, it was in fact a showcase for the tin ear, emotional retardation, cinematic illiteracy and self-pitying misogyny of its enigmatic star – a talentless ghoul with a Transylvanian disposition and accent like Arnold Schwarzenegger with a brain injury. The movie, with […]

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Film Review: Justice League

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Cape Fear

JL

I confess, I’m bored of DC movies and bored of writing about them. Patty Jenkins’ fun but frivolous outlier, Wonder Woman, aside, what’s left to say? Zack Snyder’s made a series of self-important and empty blockbusters. And now a movie he started but was forced to abandon has been worked over in an attempt to […]

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Film Review: The Disaster Artist

Posted on:

The Tommy Knockers

TDA

Tommy Wiseau’s The Room is one of film’s great basket cases. Ostensibly a melodrama, it was in fact a showcase for the tin ear, emotional retardation, cinematic illiteracy and self-pitying misogyny of its enigmatic star – a talentless ghoul with a Transylvanian disposition and accent like Arnold Schwarzenegger with a brain injury. The movie, with […]

> > Read More...

Film Review: Justice League

Posted on:

Cape Fear

JL

I confess, I’m bored of DC movies and bored of writing about them. Patty Jenkins’ fun but frivolous outlier, Wonder Woman, aside, what’s left to say? Zack Snyder’s made a series of self-important and empty blockbusters. And now a movie he started but was forced to abandon has been worked over in an attempt to […]

> > Read More...

Film Review: Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

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Here Comes the Belgian

MOTOE

Given we have the 1974 version featuring a cast of luminaries, endorsed by no less a critic than Agatha Christie (who wandered in by mistake, having bought a ticket for Zardoz), and a TV adaptation featuring the man many consider to be the definitive Hercule Poirot – canon completest David Suchet, was there a need […]

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Film Review: A Bad Moms Christmas

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Absolute Gash

ABMC_

It’s taken a while for me to gather my thoughts on a Bad Moms Christmas because such was the anesthetising effect of it, all higher brain activity ceased in the hours and days after the screening. I don’t know how I got home from the cinema that day – there was concrete in my legs […]

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Film Review: Thor – Ragnarok

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Warm Bath

TRK

Warning: This review contains a minor spoiler. As in relatively unimportant, not a plot point concerning a child. You could say there’s a loose, freewheeling quality to Thor: Ragnarok and you’d be right, because there is. Director Taika Waititi allowed his cast to improvise bigly, and whereas this is usually the death knell for a […]

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Film Review: The Death of Stalin

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его толщина

DOS

Unless you’re Peter Hitchens, you’ve long since internalised the idea that rhetorical strategies for dealing with tyrants, terrorists and tragedy are one thing but the true character of the people and events that characterise them is another. So whereas we’re conditioned to think twice before being glib when discussing Pol Pot, because it may suggest […]

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Film Review: Geostorm

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Crack your cheeks

GS

A spate of intense storm activity across the world – hurricanes battering the US, storms ravaging Ireland, might have been the perfect pre-launch conditions for disaster movie Geostorm. Only a film of immense stupidity could prevent this would-be climate change blowout from cashing in on its zeitgeistian capital. And surely, you say, a movie directed […]

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Film Review: The Ritual

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The Rafe Spall Project

Ritual

Warning: This review reveals the movie’s wholly predictable ending. Apparently The Ritual’s based on a novel by Adam Nevill, which is odd as it plays like a one-note horror premise; a half-remembered Blair Witch Project. To cap it all, there’s Rafe Spall, the argument against nepotism, whose presence in the lead generates a charismatic black […]

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Film Review: The Snowman

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Fixing a Hole

Snowman

There are cinematic oddities and there’s The Snowman, an adaptation of Norwegian scribbler Jo Nesbø’s airport lounge thriller, which we can infer from the finished product was a very troubled production indeed. You’re alert to the potential for a lost in translation celluloid calamity upon learning these are the serial killer hunting adventures of a […]

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